starlet1243

starlet1243 @ 2008-07-30T12:28:00

2008-07-30T16:33:48Z

Here's an excerpt that I really liked from a book I recently read...

"What's wrong with finding your soul mate in high school?" Becca wanted to know. "I mean, maybe that's the only chance you'll ever have to meet your soul mate. If you blow it off, just because you don't want to meet your soul mate in high school, you may never meet your soul mate at all, and wander as loneey as a cloud for the rest of your life."

"I don't believe we HAVE only one soul mate," Jason said. "I think we're given multiple chances to meet multiple soul mates. Sure, you could meet a soul mate in high school. But that doesn't mean if you don't act on it, you'll never meet anyone else. You will, just st a time that's more convenient for you."

starlet1243 @ 2008-07-16T23:06:00

2008-07-17T03:09:38Z

okay, so something so totally randomly unexpectedly happened at work today that i feel the need to write it down. i was eating lunch.. by myself like always... in the food court at the ren cen. all of a sudden this guy walked over to me... slipped a piece of paper to me and said "this is for you" and then walked away. so i open it, and it's a note saying that he thought i was "absoultly beautiful" and also.. " i hope you don't think this is creepy" haha. how random is that?! i don't even really know what he looks like, or his age. ahaha oh well. i guess it added a little excitement to my montonous day.

starlet1243 @ 2008-06-16T17:28:00

2008-06-16T21:40:09Z

Alright, so I realize that I need to have a job this summer. And i have one! But, I just don't know if I want to stay with it. I mean, true, I won't quit until I find a new job... IF i find a new job.

I don't understand why places say they are hiring, but when they realize you're in college they won't hire just for the summer. I mean, COME ON. Contrary to popular belief... people do need summer jobs! And i really shouldn't be complaining about my job... it's just so far away and the hours take up your whole entire day. I mean, I'd be fine working from 9-4, or 3-7... or something, but I work from 11-7, or 9-6, or 10-8... so it basically takes up your whole day. Which sucks.

And I feel like this is my last real summer vacation... I plan on taking summer classes and to have a job next summer so it will be quite busy. And then I plan on interning at Disney so I won't even be here the summer going into my Junior year. Oh, and I told my dad I would like to quit in Aug... and I got yelled at... which I don't quite understand. Because my little sibling will be born, and with my job taking up all my time throughout the summer, I'm going to need time to get ready for college. UGH. So is life. I guess I need to grow up... that's sad. Really, really sad.

I'll just have to make the most of it and be thankful for what I have. Everything happens for a reason and even though I don't really like my job... it'll definitly influence my life in some way...

"If only it were true, if only for a while. If only you would notice how I ache behind my smile"

starlet1243 @ 2008-06-07T16:14:00

2008-06-07T20:52:04Z

I was watching a movie today and I heard this really amazing quote: "The heart does things for reasons that reason cannot understand." It's weird, because that quote is so true, especially for me. I find myself not thinking things through sometimes before I act upon them, because of what I feel in my heart. I probably shouldn't do that all the time, but do you ever feel that something is just pulling you towards something else? And you can't explain it, you just know that it's right. And maybe it isn't always realistic, but you know you have to trust what's inside of your heart, have faith in God, and just go with it. That might sound crazy, and well, it probably is. But sometimes I wonder why some things happen, if you're meant to cross paths with a person for a reason, why you can't get something out of your head, or if God is guiding you towards something else.

I've just been doing a lot of thinking & writing lately. It's so weird, I feel like I have grown and changed so much after just one vacation. Is that even possible? Because I feel like before I left, I was more shy, stuck in some high school mindset, and not looking at the bigger picture. But now, I feel like I have matured in so many ways, and I'm ready to take on the challenges of life. I've always been content with who I am, especially the fact that my friends and I don't drink, smoke, or do other not so good things. I like that we have good morals, and would rather watch disney movies and play board games than go out and party. We're different in a sense, and I woluldn't change it for the world; all I'm saying is that in high school it was harder to find people with the same outlook. For example, in Disney Erica and I could talk to literally people of all ages... well except guys our age haha. But no really, we could talk to little kids, and hold intellectual conversations with adults. We could act like adults in the sense that we went on vacation by ourselves, managed our money, took care of ourselves, and met new people. Yet we could act like kids by taking random pictures, playing around at MGM in giant playsets, and goofing off. I mean come on, we went to DISNEY for our senior trip =)I guess I've realized lately that there actually are people out there that act like us too.

I'm excited to grow and meet new people at college. I'm ready to leave home, even though I will miss my parents terribly, and to start my life as a young adult. I'm ready for bigger and better things, and I can't wait to see what life has in store for me. I can't wait to see my future unfold; I just know it will be exciting yet unpredictable at the same time.

There's another line from a song that I really like too. "Destinations, undicovered, revelations from every choice we make." (if anyone can guess what song that is I'll be amazed.) That is so unbelievably true. Because you never know what is going to happen, or where God will lead you. And through every choice you make, you realize something else about yourself and grow as a person. Every action has a consequence, and those realizations help us grow to become who we are. Sometimes one choice leads us to another, and to another, and eventually to where you are suppossed to be. And then you look back and realize that if you hadn't done everything, you wouldn't be where you are. I love when that happens, when you do something out of the ordinary and it ends up leading you somewhere even better. All because you took a chance. That's the greatest. And that leads right back to where I started: trust your heart, follow your instincts, and pray that God will guide you. Don't sweat the small stuff, and love the life you live. And it'll all work out eventually, somehow...someway.

To conclude I'm going to quote Beauty & the Beast, because those song lyrics fit my life perfectly right now...

"I want adventure in the great wide somewhere. I wan't it more than I can tell. And for once it might be grand, to have someone understand... I wan't so much more than they've got planned..."

starlet1243 @ 2008-06-06T19:51:00

2008-06-07T00:02:10Z

I feel... trapped.
I'm 18 & I have my whole life ahead of me... but I just feel like there's something missing. Like there is something greater I should be doing. I feel like I'm trapped in this bubble called Michigan, and I need to get out. I realize that college will be here in a couple of months, but I almost feel like I can't wait that long. When Erica and I went to FL., I realized that there is just SO much more out there. So many people to meet, so many lives to touch, so many opportunities. And here I am, STUCK in MI. Maybe it's because I long for something more than this, and there's nothing I can do but wait until I can actually do something about it. I realize "good things come to those who wait" but that's a hard rule to live by. I wish I could just catch a plane somewhere and go on an adventure. Not that I don't love my life, or my friends, or my family... because I do, with my whole heart. I just feel like something's missing... and I wish I could figure out just what that something is.

Disney 08

2008-06-06T20:23:02Z

Disneyworld... was the best Senior/sister trip a girl could ask for. It was quite the adventure going alone with just Erica, but was perfect nonetheless. We talked to so many people of all ages... it was just wonderful. We were in the Woody's Roundup parade thing, and got to go backstage in the Backlot Tour! ( We were the deckhands.) We saw about 40 characters, rode every ride, went to every park, and literally had the best time. I can't wait to intern there one day for the college program, hopefully in a year come August. I can't even begin to write about all of the stories from the trip... there are just too many. It was perfect though, and I wish it didn't end so soon. So here's to a perfect trip, a perfect summer to come, and to no regrets =)

starlet1243 @ 2008-01-01T12:13:00

2008-01-01T17:34:31Z

Hello, 2008. Please don't let me down.. ok? I don't truly understand why 2007 sucked SO much. Maybe it was my own fault, but I don't really know.

Looking back on 2007... so much has happened.
-south pacific
-pirates of penzance
- get smart
-ms. scrooge
- the cruise
- 8 mile Regina, & warren Regina
- summer vacation
- disney band trip
- lost old friends, made new friends
- adam, eric, chris
- my dad getting married
- powderpuff
- regina & dls prom
- the ACT
- regina & dls homecoming, + christmas ball
- getting accepted to college
- last band camp
- last color guard season, & being captain
- the last dls play tryouts ever
- friends going to college, grad parties
- getting my liscence... & car
- being a Senior.
- APUSH, & junior year in general
- my 17th birthday

God, so much more has happened. so much more DRAMA & stress too. so much i couldn't even write on it.
I'm so thankful for 2007 to be over.. even though it had its good points. i didn't even write the bad points because i'd be writing on livejournal for hours.

But, there are things to look forward to in '08.
Such as...
- graduation
- guys & dolls
- cinderella
-college
-turning 18
-summer vacation
.... i don't know what else really. i'm just hoping, PRAYING, that it'll be better than 2007.
Please, God. I don't understand. Are you trying to test my limits? I don't do drugs, or smoke.. or drink.. or have sex. I get good grades, I have morals, I care about people. So why does life keep sucking? And it's not like I'm just picking out all the bad points, either. This year has truly, honestly, been the WORST year of my entire life.
ugh.

I just sometimes wish I could go back in time.
I know I say never have regrets, & everything happens for a reason. But.. whats the reason???
really.. I'm not seeing any.

And ok.. honestly. I know I've told most of you this story anyway. So I won't elaborate.. but..
why, why doesn't he like me?
why. did i fuck something up over the summer? does he just not care? 4 fucking years. And it's something i can't get over. and i don't even know why. It's probably the worst feeling in the entire world. honestly. i just feel like crying all the time or something. but why? am i overreacting? most likely. But still, it's so hard to keep postive & get over something when you can't stop thinking about the situation. This just sucks. And I just hate you so much for making me feel this way about myself. Like i'm not fucking good enough. God... so just.. fuck you. Just tell me you don't like me, don't use me & then fucking ignore me. It's the worst feeling.. ever.

Well, on a happier note. The new years party was pretty fun. Especially fitting 9 people in Escape... when it should only hold 5. =) and then driving in the middle of a winter storm =) it was so pretty last night though, i wish it could have been like that on Christmas.

Well, in conclusion. 2007, you sucked. And thanks for making my senior year the worst ever. I hope 2008 brings better things, and happier days. Please God, help me get through the rest of this year. With all the stress, drama, heartache, and goodtimes. Just let me get through it.

2008 Resolution

1. Be more positive & more responsible
2. Work out every day & stay healthy
3. Drink less pop
4. Learn guitar
5. Be less stressed
6. Manage time better
7. Keep both rooms clean
8. Be more focused in school
9. Don’t over analyze
10. Don’t gossip, & don’t talk mean about people
11. Respect others more
12. View things from others point of view
13. Keep to my commitments & promises
14. Stay organized
15. Keep calm, & don’t get mad so easily
16. Don’t be lazy. Be more carefree & don’t care what others think
17. Stick to my morals; no drinking, smoking, or sex
18. Respect my parents & have a good relationship with them
19. Make more time for family
20. Keep my grades up; graduate with 3.75 or higher
21. Stay focused & have good study habits in college
22. Be nice to everyone
23. Manage money better
24. Get a job
25. Become a better person & be less uptight
26. Focus more on others, not myself
27. Keep going to church
28. Have a good attitude about everything & anything that happens
29. Stop using the word “like”
30. Remember that everything happens for a reason

starlet1243 @ 2007-10-09T22:11:00

2007-10-10T02:14:36Z

i just have to say, that i love color guard.

so first off, we're leaving for festival... about to pull out of the parking lot... and someone yells.. OMG THE FLAGS! and liz & i JUMP out of our seats and we're like MR. PODE STOP THE BUS! WE FORGOT THE FLAGS! .. and hes like, youre joking, right? and we're like no stop the bus! and hes like youre not being serious, then we're like WE SERIOUS! and hes like oh no! and liz mr. pode & i run back to the band room and then we get back to the bus and everyone started clapping. hahahaah ...

second, theron jeff liz & i did soulja boy for our salute

and third...

on the way after we got our trophy... it broke. before we even gave it to pode. way to go captains.

=) good day, & stratford tomarrow.

starlet1243 @ 2007-08-29T23:57:00

2007-08-30T04:03:04Z

Powderpuff.
I never really thought I'd get hurt. HAHAH
ok, well. heres my day.
Went to block someone, and consequently collide with someone else, forcing them to knee me in the thigh so hard we both fall face to the ground.
the coaches came over,asked if we were okay, only i couldnt really move my leg, and it hurt so bad that i started crying. on the field. how embaressing.
but no really, i know i didn't twist anything, or break my leg... but damn, it hurt.
then they asked if i could stand up... but i couldn't. so i just sort of sat there... with tears coming down my face. only i was trying not to cry, so they were like "its okay to cry."
so everyone had to take a knee on the field and the coaches had to help me up and then i went and limped to the bench.
i still can't walk though, it hurts so much.
and maggie said they couldnt tell if i was laughing or crying.. remincsant or my black eye experience.
i probably pulled a muscle or something, but its so painful that i can't put pressure on my leg.
but anyway, the coaches were so nice.. coach geroge even called my cell after practice to check up on me.
and rachie told me that went i got hit, probably since it was the second time i got hit really hard that day that, the coach asked who i was and said "she hits hard" or soemthing like that. its good i guess.

powderpuff really is intense

got some good grass burns & bruises today

that's all. =)

starlet1243 @ 2007-08-26T21:11:00

2007-08-27T01:17:44Z

so now that everyone's at college & i'm depressed, i've decided to focus on why this year will be kickass no matter what.

*color guard
*dls football games
*band festival
*band trip to chicago
*senior trip to LA
*show choir
*pasta fest
*gradeschool visits
*color guard & show choir practices
*powderpuff
*powderpuff rally
*homecoming
*dls homecoming
*get smart
*regina's musical
*dls's musical
*regina's play
*apple orchard
*haunted hay ride
*ice skating
*prom
*dls prom
*showboat
*halloween
*christmas
*yule ball? maybe?
*big/little sister
*getting a car
*christmas ball
*senior overnight retreat
*graduation

... i'm sure there's more too...

sigh

2007-08-21T06:37:04Z

I will always like him.

I just know it.

And that sucks.

How can you honestly like a person for FOUR years and STILL not be over it? HA. I hate myself sometimes. What can I do in this situation?
Finally, FINALLY something happens, after four years, and the sad part is...nothing will come from it. Not until I'm in college at least.
So what do I do now?
Every relationship I've ever had has either ended or almost ended because of this kid.
WHY.
What can I really do.
That's right, nothing.

And to be honest, I don't even think he knows how much this is messing with me. Which makes me even more sad.
And I shouldn't be sad, cause right now things are perfect.
But it's not like we're dating, or will be. And I'm not even saying that's what I want.
But he's going to college soon anyway, and I probably won't see him for a year or more. Like last time.

So... why should I care? I try not to, and I always end up going straight back to him. I don't even think he knows how much control he has over me either. Or like I already said, how much this is messing with me.

I can't even explain it.
Four years, wow. that honeslty sucks more than anything.
Four years of wanting something you'll never have. Then you get it,... (and honestly, do I even really believe him? It's just me. 17 year-old me. Who's liked this kid for four years)... and then it goes away. Because who even knows what he wants,or what hes thinking.

Wow.

That's all I guess.

starlet1243 @ 2007-08-04T11:37:00

2007-08-04T15:39:20Z

so right now, and for the past couple of weeks.... life has been perfect. how long is this going to last? but i feel like listing all the reasons why my life is perfect right now, because i doubt it'll last long.

*band camp was perfect
*being a senior
*color guard
*show choir front row
*friends
*homecoming will be perfect, the group is perfect
*getting my liscence was perfect
*i have a little sister for next year
* im so much closer with so many people, and its perfect
*powderpuff is perfect
*summer
*i found a college that im in love with

theres a lot more too. =) i love summer.

starlet1243 @ 2007-07-21T11:53:00

2007-07-21T15:57:17Z

You know what, Fcuk yoooouuuu. honestly, i'm doing the best i can here, and you're making it impossible. i don't know what i even did, or what anyone else even did. But it's sad when i try so hard for you to not if care A LITTLE. i keep asking myself whats it worth and honestly, i don't even know why i try so hard. you bring all this drama about NOTHING to ruin kids lives. i shouldn't have to be worried about who im friends with or what i want to wear because im worried what YOULL think. that's stupid. ... and no this isn't about anyone that has a livejournal or that anyone really knows.

And on another topic.

Why was i so naive? Why did i honeslty think it would happen? it's like i wanted it so bad that i didnt think there was an option for it not to happen. And it proboly won't. And to be honest, it breaks my heart.

starlet1243 @ 2007-06-22T22:43:00

2007-06-23T03:08:22Z

Today has been so bizarre that i have to write on it.
PART 1:
Today i went to regina like every other day this week to help pack up the auditorium. As we were moving pieces of a red barn, somehow one of them slipped and a huge piece of wood slams my eye. I jumped back, was shocked, and then start balling my eyes out (couldn't help it.. cause of the pain), and run to the bathroom. I look in the mirror, my face is bleeing, puffy, and a scrape down my face. The cut was RIGHT next to my actual eye, luckily it didn't hit my eye, and I currently have a black eye and a cut next to my eye. This is hilarious for 2 reasons. 1) i didn't get a black eye from a fight or something cool. Nope, i get a black eye... from drama club. 2) I'm leaving for my cruise in 2 days.

PART 2.
I decided to go out to dinner with my mom and her friend Lee, at Hardrock cafe in detroit. So their doctor friend got there and ate with us, and he obviously likes Lee... and it was just hilarious. So after dinner, we walked around Campus Matrius cause they had some bands playing. There was this weird lady stumbling around.. with this plush horse and a stick. It was so odd... Anyway, after that.. lets just say my mom and her friend were.. tipsy. And I was the DD. And we're in Detroit. And they want to go to Belle Isle. So picture this, me driving around Detroit, with my drunk mom and her drunk friend sitting and giggling in the backseat. So we go to Belle Isle, and let me just tell you, cars were swerving everywhere. So I have no idea where Im going, and they decide they have to pee. So they tell me to "floor it". So i find a starbucks, miss the entrance, and have to turn around in some shady alley apartment complex area, with a car following us. So i turn around, and instead we go to a Big Boy.. a very shady Big Boy indeed. In downtown Detroit. As we leave, these weird people try to talk to us... and it was just scary. Finally we made it home though. But this description doesn't even cover half of it.

Tonight was so bizarre, yet so much fun.

starlet1243 @ 2007-06-17T11:31:00

2007-06-17T15:53:22Z

i was thinking about how busy i am during the school year, and i wanted to write down everything ive done the past three years...and upcoming 4th, so here it goes.

* Freshman Year *
- Student Council Representative
- Light & Sound
- Drama Club
- Anything Goes
- Light & Sound Crew; light board operator
- Set Crew
- Stage Door
- Light & Sound Crew; light board operator
- Set Crew
- DLS WAMS
-42nd Street
-dame & dancer
- S.A.D.D.

* Sophomore Year *
-Light & Sound
-Drama Club
- Seussical the Musical
- Light Crew Chief
- Chorus & dance
- Meet Me in St. Louis
- Light Crew Cheif; light board operator
- Set Crew Cheif
- NHS
- DLS WAMS
- George M.!
- chorus & dance
- Talent Show (Showboat)
- duet- What Is This Feeling? from Wicked
- DLS Color Guard

* Junior Year *
- DLS Show Choir
- DLS Color Guard
- NHS
- Light & Sound
- Drama Club
- Children of Eden
- an angel
- Light Crew Cheif
- Set Crew Cheif
- a student producer
- Pirates of Penzance
- Light Crew Cheif
- Set Crew Cheif
- pirate
- Talent Show (Showboat) - S Club 7
- 1/2 year Forensics
- DLS WAMS
- South Pacific
- Nurse - Lt. Genivieve
- chorus & dance

* Senior Year *
- Light & Sound
- NHS
- DLS Color Guard
- captain
- DLS Show Choir
- Drama Club
- Historian
- Play #1
- (hopefully) a part
- (hopefully) Light Crew Cheif
- (hopefully) Set Crew Cheif
- Play #2
- (hopefully) a part
- (hopefully) Light Crew Cheif
- (hopefully) Set Crew Cheif
- DLS WAMS
- Get Smart
- ?
- Play #2
- (hopefully) a part
- (hopefully) chorus & dance
- Yearbook Editor
- Forensics
- (hopefully) U of D crew & plays
- (most likely)Talent Show- Showboat

starlet1243 @ 2007-04-30T22:13:00

2007-05-01T02:18:36Z

ok this isn't really an update, I'm just sorting out my week.

Today...
study for Ap
Study for Alg. 2
read Jane Eyre

Tomorrow
pirates practice?
show choir
turn in forensics permission slip
take alg. 2 quiz before school
read apush book
study for alg. 2 test

wed.
finish apush essay
pirates practce?
do laundry
alg. test
retake spansish test
spanish extra credit report?

thurs.
show choir
pack for states
homework?
read jane eyre

fri-sat.
states

sun.
study all day
chemistry test mon & tues.?.. on what..?

mon.-thurs. STUDY FOR AP

ok wow theres so much more to add to that list.

i have a feeling so much is going to change in the enxt couple of days//weeks//months
im excited yet scared...

i hate getting my hopes up about everything!

oh well, life is good. busy.. but good.

djhaskld

starlet1243 @ 2007-04-22T02:22:00

2007-04-22T06:33:49Z

ok so another perfect day.. night.

PROM. so much fun, james was my date and we matched perfectly. =) happy ending the end.

FORENSICS. although i freaked out, i absolutly loved it. today was regionals, and we made it to states! well, the multiple did, of course i was only filling in for julia but honestly it was so much fun. and i might go to states to support them if i can get out of school.. hopefully. so the first round, fell off the stool. IT WAS HILARIOUS. of course no one laughed at the time, but looking back on it... HAHAHAHA just my luck, right? but anyway, we had 3 rounds, and i think i did better each time. i basically just love watching the other mulptiples too. ahh it was just so much fun.! then we started talking to these Andover kids who are in the best multiple ever, and they were really nice. the one kid came up to me and whispered in my ear that some kid wanted my number. i thought/still think he was kidding. but anyway then later the same kid came up to me and was like did you give him yuor number yet? and i was like i thought you were kidding and he said he wasnt, so i gave him my number to give to the kid. i know his name but of course i don't even know what grade he's in. good going danielle. but the guy who i was talking to gave me his myspace account thing and it says its been deleted.. so i don't know if he was lying about the whole thing or not. oh well i guess ill find out right? haha random but sooooo funny.

then as jen erica and i were walking to the car, a judge stopped me and said that my role was one of the hardest to play cause its hardest playing the bad guy, and that she thought i did a really good job! she told me i had a really good mean stare and that it was initimidating, etc. etc. a judge stopped ME! idk, random once again but i learned the piece on MONDAY, so that made me really happy! =) pretty much estatic.

well that sums up my week. sometimes things go so perfectly that i wonder when they're gonna get bad again! not to sound pessimitic or anything =)

...a la la la la la la la life is wonderful...

starlet1243 @ 2007-04-17T21:50:00

2007-04-18T02:03:51Z

...a la la la la la la life is wonderful...

For some odd reason, today I'm in an all around good mood. Almost unstoppable.

*Show choir was so much fun today, I'm in the second row in Footloose which for me at least is a big improvement, and i'm actually partnered with John! Sometimes I feel like hard work truly does pay off. Not to mention Pat Vaughn always makes my day in show choir, along with everyone else of course.Sitting next to Melody and Julia makes my day too. And I actually like the songs we're sining. I love it all! =)

* I miss/love color guard. And tryouts should be in the next month or two.. so I'm very excited. I'm trying out to be one of the section leaders.. I want it sooo badly! So we'll see how that goes. But otherwise I just can't wait to flag again, it seems like somethings missing when its not football season!

*Band camp.. wow i cannot wait. Its strange though.. Ill be a senior..
as in.. a SENIOR. where does time go? Anyways... I can't wait. Enough said. I have a collage of band camp on my APUSH binder.. and it literlaly gets me through that class sometimes.

*Forensics. Ok mixed feelings about this one. Julia can't be at Regionals THIS saturday, as in day after junior prom.. so I'm filling in for her. This requires memorizing the piece and blocking/emotions.. as well as getting it up to the quality everyone else has. Lets just say Im nervous, but I should pull it off. Although Im not even in forensics! So.. ive never done this before.. AH. its such a funny piece to make fun of though. "MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH *stare*"

*Junior prom! This Fri.! i love getting dressed up, and I love my dress, and my date! I'm taking James and its going to be so much fun. =)

*School. As much as i hate it, and as much as im tired of it. I almost.. like it. Its almost over.. and i think thats the only thing thats getting me through. Despite the fact Im a little unhappy with my ACT score...

*My friends. wow i could write forever on this. As weird as it is, I feel closer with a lot of people. It seems like fights somehow bring us closer sometimes. Idk why though. But lately everything is going well, and anytime I do feel sad.. all i have to do is watch the crazy cat lady video and suddenly everything a whole lot better

*GOOD WEATHER. ahhhhh enough said =) =) =) i love spring!

*SUMMER. i cant believe im going to be a senior. even though im going to miss everyone like hell, and its going to be hard getting used to ALMOST ALL of my friends being at college, im still excited for whats to come. I feel like ive suddenly grown up a lot over break.. this year needs to end!.. but at the same time not because ill miss the seniors too much =(

i love life right now!

this.. sucks

2007-02-08T03:45:44Z

ok seriously, why... why do i let something so STUPID antagonzie me and disinigrate my self esteem down to NOTHING. why? i mean, i make my own choices, with my own free will... so when i regret something, why do i tear my self apart? everything happens for a reason. Just let it go. honestly, every day is UP and DOWN. i'm happy... then all of a second a flood of emotions that i didnt even know i had rushes back and there i go, dwelling on the past again.

I can't honeslty say that i like who ive become. I can't. Because theres so many things I wish I were, so many things I wish I could change! And here I go, as someone told me before... making everything a "Danielle sob story" again. It's not like I mean to either. It's just sometimes i hate myself so much that i wish i go move far far away. I hate feeling jealous, i hate wishing i could sing, i hate having headaches, i hate that my boobs grew, I HATE FEELING UNAPPRECIATED, and i especially hate when my BEST isnt GOOD ENOUGH.

i've come to the conclusion.. that i try to hard. everything can't be perfect. why can't i just accept who i am? why can't i stop wishing i were someone else? i dont need perfect grades, hell.. i don't need friends, i dont need show choir, color guard, the plays, nothing. everything sucks. life sucks. I shouldnt need constant reassurance that i'm not a bad person, that i actually have friends. what the hell is wrong with me?

Is this what junior year does to people? i dont even know where i belong anymore,I don't know who to trust. I take everything to heart, literally everything. I hate that about me. I hate everything right now. i hate that im writiing this entry, i should be working on homework since im already getting behind in school. all i really want to do is cry. life is just... ugh!

oh, and on another not-so-happy note, practically ALL of my best friends are leaving in about.. ohh, hmm, FOUR months. Julia, John, Brent, Melody, Kelli, Brandon, Pat, Sandy, James, Caitlin... and more

... i thought it was bad without Jen, Grace, Deanna, Allesandra, Victor, Ken, Scotty and everyone else. I mean, it is bad. bad enough. but what am i going to do without this years seniors? the thought.. literally brings me to tears. i need to get over it. i'm only a junior, class of 2008. they'll go off to college and have fun without us stupid highschoolers. can't wait.

life..just..sucks.

....

2006-11-17T02:38:21Z

im about to break down...
everything goes wrong at once, you know?
i don't know, a lot of things are going wrong lately. and i cant stop crying. and i don't like it.
i can't wait for set crew so i can paint, that lets me forget everything thats going on..
.. i just.. need a break..

starlet1243 @ 2006-10-25T21:45:00

2006-10-25T22:07:09Z

i.... i dont know why i cant adjust to this year. Sure, its 1/4 over already... but something's missing. Something is missing and i cant quite place it. Or maybe something is there that isn't suppossed to be. Whatever it is.. its setting me off balance.. this year isnt going well. True, its junior year. its suppossed to be hell.. its busy, the work is harder, and im in more extracurricular activites. But something is wrong. :(

Maybe its the fact that im having trouble coping with the fact that all my seniors arent at home anymore... jen,grace, viktoria, allesandra, deanna... at least kathleen is still home! but things arent the same. i neeed them here. im not ready to be a junior... i dont feel like im ready. I got thrown in the water and i dont know how to swim. ANd time is passing by so quickly that I cant comphrened whats going on. A month till children of eden opening night? what?when did that happen? have i been missing practices?.. because it surely doesnt feel like its going to be ready. Nothing this year is as fun. I feel sad all the time. i cant even describe why. i feel like crying all the time, and the slightest things make me sad.

i want things to be like last year. where my friends were the only thing i cared about. i miss them so much.. i want to hang out with them.. you have no idea. but nothing feels the same. i just... lately all i wanna do is hang out with mags erica liz brent john anthony and pat and whoever else im forgetting. and just have it like last year, and spend the whole weekend with them and everything would be perfect. but not this year... no one wants to have "just a movie night" anymore, and now since boyfriends are in the pciture its a lot more diffulcult.

and i just.. want to cry. no explanation possible. i know its fall right now... but im so busy im MISSING it. and its happening right now. why is this happening?? it feels like i cant enjoy anything anymore. i feel stressed a lot. and i know i shouldn't be.... theres just so much on my mind. and lately people have been involving themselves where they arent needed, thus causing excess drama.. and i personally dont need it right now. i dont know.. whatevr it is.. i hope this passes soon...

... i miss last year...
when are things going to start being fun again?...

...danielle

starlet1243 @ 2006-09-10T12:27:00

2006-09-10T16:37:21Z

OK, so lately.. idk, i've been getting annoyed with people really easily? i guess you could say. maybe its because im tired, or idk. But i guess, its jsut that I realize that people do some stuff that is just... inconsiderate? For example, if i do somethng, let me handle it. dont take charge when its not your place to take charge. Let things happen as they will. I mean seriously, why do people have to be so nosey all the time? And i Know i am sometimes, but i try not to literallty get in other peoples situations and invlove myself when it has nothing to do with me. I mean, seriously.. idk. I mean dont get all worked up when i say somrthing and then change my mind, thats MY decision, not yours, dont freak out about it. but oh well.

ugh

2006-09-04T23:52:24Z

OK.. havent updated in FOREVER.

*i love my famiyl.. most of the time.
*my cousin and i made up the SWEETEST 10 min. long disney handshake... its awesome
* i cannot wait for FALL
* i love sweaters.. and jackets..and mittens.. and scarfs!
*i love hot choclate
* i love apple orchards
* i LOVE color guard.. and the football games, and our costumes with the boob hole
*i love my friends
* i actaully like show choir, and i like getting the moves down
* i like school... minus the tests :)
* i cant wait for homecoming
* i love getting dressed up
* i love SUNSETS
* i love shopping
* i love finding stuff that you thought uve lost
* i love curling up in a blanket and watching a movie
* i love that feeling when you have nothing to do, but youre not bored, and you have no homework
* im SO excited for Children of Eden
* theres a football game on friday, i cant wait!
* i love going to parks
*i LOVE disney
*i love john mayer, soco, and dashboard
* im excited for the thecdla talent show.. woo caitlin we're awesome.
* i cant wait for halloween
* i cant wait for christmastime
*i love the weekends
* i love music
*im excited for junior ring ceremony

* i hate that a ton of my best friends are now seniors...
... john, brent, julia, caitlin, julia v., sandy, pat, brandon, melody... omg the list goes on forever.
*i miss jen
* i hate homework.. and essays.. and tests..
* i hate getting up early
*im nervsou about Children of Eden tryouts
* i hate that feeling where u know u have to study for a test.. but all u wanna do is sleep, and especially when u need to do good on that test
*my family can get so annoying sometimes........
* i hate hippocrits
* i hate it when people lie
*i hate when people are bipolar
* i cant stadn little kids touching my food.. or chips or whatver
* i hate that im mad at my dad
* i hate that my dad is such a jerk
*i hate worrying soemtimes
* i hate stress
* i hate yet love looking at my calander and seeing it bascailly all filled uop already and i havent even figured in play practices
*i hate not having time for anything
* i hate not having any money
* i hate feeling like im losing my friends sometimes..
* i hate a lot of things right now
* i hate benig sad all the time for no reason, idk
* i hate my parents right now.. and i never ever fight with them
*i hate change, i wish things would stay the way they are
* ive realized people annoy me verrry easily
* i hate feeling left out
* im nevous about junior year... so bad.. i cant even tell u how nervous i am.. im afraid of failing..or not being able to keep my grades up.. and not being able to get into a good college. it freaks me out :(
* i think too much
*i hate ebing confused about so many things right now
*i just feel like crying :/

ok.. poitnless whiny entry..sorry.

i wish i didnt have to study for an english test that im pretty postivie ill do bad on... i should stop procrastinating.

love, danielle

I LOVE BAND CAMP

2006-07-28T22:28:51Z

POST BAND CAMP DEPRESSION.

So this one time, at band camp....

i sang just around the river bend with anthony in our canoe that had a leak,
i got over 10 mopsquitoe bites
i ran into a shelf of hangers
i hit rachel in the head with a reeses
my whole room woke up late and had 10 minutes to pack and get ready
liz and i danced like mario when mr. pode played his mario brothers cell phone ringer
we flagged in the pouring rain
i stepped in a bunch of muddles
i got the best CHEST..roll award
julia and i won super shady sunglass sunday
i got over 20 bruises
someone hit me in the eye with a canoe paddle
john and i "ghetto-fied" show chouir moves to rap music and mrs. cusmano glared at us
i fell on the floor... and it was caught on videotape
i carried brent on my back across the bridge
i got bullied by melody loduca!... just kidding
my room always got yelled at for not going to sleep
i was brandons fruit loops separting buddy for a day till i decided i liked them better with milk
anthony named my boobs
i played air hockey with steve, and the puck hit him in the face
i finally was able to get the toe hop step step right left move... thank God
i survived being an overlapper
the color guard wore trah bags when it poured rain!
brooke and i were coupled for a show chouir dance and i was on the boys side!
i played rock paper scissors slap, with graham and my arm practically died
ballard and i were the best test takers ever! even though he did all the work
liz and i tried to sgtart a flag corp chant and no one would follow
we played ships and sailors almost evry night... angela was hilarious. crackin! davy jones! beached whale! plus i got rug burn from "hit the deck!"

...many more storiesssss

"i like the fritos.. with the cheesssee"
"danielle take off your wig"
"muddle =puddle/mud"
"see what happens to mean people? they fall and die"
contusions
"dont whore it up"
"that..slut?"
" i CANT sleep without a nighttliiigghhhtt!"
"ooooo, ooo noooo, i didnnntt brrinng clothes to the dannnceee"
"please tell me its not 8.... actually its after 8"
"im flagging in the rain, just flagginng in the rain"
"hi ho hi ho, its off to show choir we go"
"a cat ate my homework"
liz and i were way out in the boondocks for color guard
F-L-A-G F-L-A-G flag corp flag corp!
mr. pode and brian sang us songs before bed
brian doing the macarana during o si fu mungu
"the bugs are SLEEPING!"
"do the mashed potatoe!"
the spinning circle of death
ohh so is life A BATEE WAAAA a HA! so is life
air hockey can be brutle
when angela didn't know a move in show choir, no one knew a move

so now i get to be bored... band camp is oovverr and i miss it so much!!

starlet1243 @ 2006-06-18T01:19:00

2006-06-18T05:33:24Z

In 3 short days I will be driving to the airport to leave for 2 weeks. Thank goodness. I can't take any more of Michigan for another second. I need a break... I hate people. I seem to have less patience than I used to these days. My tolerance level has decreased so much the past couple years. I feel like Im pushing people away lately... yet,I don't even care anymore. Finally, 2 whole weeks of not being in contact with anyone, well except my dad, but still, I cant wait. The end.

Oh, and P.S.
... if someone calls me stupid, or a dumb blonde, or someone who has no common sense, and thats all they'll ever see me as, then that's what I'll give them. Does that make sense? I give you what you want. Why would I try so hard to prove that I have "common sense", if you won't believe it. I know I have it, and it's not worth proving. It's a waste of time if someone judges me, has an unchangle image of me, and won't actually look at any other time than when I've maybe said a dumb thing once or twice, to try and prove it. For instance, if you think Im smart, Ill show you that Im smart, because thats all you see me as anyway. But if u think Im dumb, Ill play along with it because its not like your image of me will change even if I show that Im smart. So, in all honesty... when have you EVER seen me outside of my element of my friends? OH, never? thats what I thought. Youve never seen me around adults, family, while traveling, around teachers. Never. So don't even try and say I have no common sense. I know perfectly well how to handle myself in foriegn countries, what NOT to say around adults, and I know how to pay attention to details to make sure people don't follow me or steal anything. SO please, dont judje when you have no room to talk. Just because I cant name all the presidents of the US DOES NOT show I have no common sense. Just because I don't know random useless information DOES NOT prove me dumb. SO please, just shut up.